Endings?

I’ve had a million beginnings.

Once upon a time there was a little girl. She only cared for purple and had a lovely lady watch over her. She’d tell her stories at night, so the little girl learned how to dream. They were mostly fairy tales. She started to dream. She wanted to dance, sing and get all the attention that these perfect princesses seem to naturally attract. Mandy was quiet but had dreams hidden inside. Boys never liked her, she was too strong and big for them. She’d hope there would be at least one that would come and play. He never showed.

Once upon this other time she was a teenage girl. She started to grow an interest for books, strange words, unique sounds and other weird creatures. Her loneliness made her creative. She completely forgot about the little boy that wouldn’t play with her. She was too young to remember. There were a couple of boys she fancied but they chose other girls and our dearest Mandy stood alone again. This one would be harder to forget.

Once upon any other time Mandy was in her mid twenties. She wasn’t just looking for love this time. Somewhere along the way she got distracted and lost her soul. She was looking for both now. She started with the soul first since she figured that’d be pretty useful for everything else. After trying really really hard, she found neither.

Once upon many other times our girl was tired and a few years older than before. She didn’t have a soul, she hadn’t found love but she did have a restless heart. It wouldn’t leave her alone. Here she was again, as usual, alone.

Once upon another time, she’s 30. She’s never known love. She’s the sun and recently found a moon. He doesn’t believe love exists. She likes him but isn’t sure if this is yet another perfect opportunity to be left stranded as usual in the middle of nowhere with barely enough water to survive. She running out of bandages to mend her broken heart. When will there be any sort of ending? A girl needs closure.

I guess sometimes we aren’t supposed to understand.

Once upon the perfect time…

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It’s me

He picks me up and I ride alongside. We talk sometimes and remain silent at others. I try not to overanalyze. His voice is a fascinating one and I want to hear what it has to say.

“Here, here, here.” I hear a voice whisper. I look around and cannot see where it’s coming from.

I meet K for coffee and she has a million things to say. They are lovely things. She has a lot of money and can buy anything her heart desires. She’s the girl everyone wants to be.

“Here, here, here.” I hear it louder.

Izzy loves me dearly and always wants what is best for me. She gives me the best advice I’ve ever heard.

“Here, here, here.” It does not seem to stop.

He drops me off after our fourth date and makes me wonder whether he likes me or not. He has absurd concepts about the heart and how it beats. As ridiculous as to even blurt out that there is no such thing as love. I remain silent not knowing what that means and look up to the sky. There’s one beautiful star and it reminds me that I was built to survive.

“Here, here, here.”

Where is it coming from? Where’s the voice? It’s here. I’m on my own and I have to love it. Sometimes by chance and sometimes by choice, I have been on my own more often than not. I used to think it was a curse, maybe it could be a blessing. I do not want to need anybody to be happy. I don’t want to forget what time it is or where my spark is.

I’ve unconsciously been waiting to be saved when I’ve been the hero of the story all along. I don’t know how or when the plot took a twist and made me this powerful creature. I guess it was there all along, I just didn’t want to see it.

Who can save you? Who can love you? Who can be the best thing that ever happened to you? It’s you. Never forget it.