Siblings

Three years apart. He always knew what he wanted to be, she still doesn’t know. He gives away only what can be returned, she doesn’t even know what she has to offer. He decided to take the safer side of life and nobody told her flying wasn’t an option. They shared each other’s parents but decided to take different things into account. They shared grandparents and decided to admire different qualities from them both. She cherishes relationships as though the end of the world was around the corner…he has all his relationships stored in a box with other things he keeps but doesn’t use. She cannot seem to understand him but tries desperately to accept him. He doesn’t try to understand or accept that which he cannot touch or prove.

She cries when feelings get hurt, he saves his tears until pushed to the limit. Her books on the shelf are filled with dreams, rainbows, unicorns and messy lyrics. His bookshelf is full of math, teeth and equally squared equations. She believes in fairies, he believes that the concept of fairies shouldn’t even exist, it is a waste of time. She fights with a passion for equality even if it’s a constant battle. He can only see through his glasses and won’t share anyone else’s perspective. She loves wearing other people’s glasses. So far she’s worn purple, green, yellow and blue looking glasses. He only wears neatly cleaned see-through glasses and will never share, never.

She can be dramatic and messy. He’s organized and doesn’t waste time on what will take him nowhere. She is the queen of mistakes, he is the king of success in his field. She hasn’t even found a field where she can run freely…while he’s winning the shiny trophy. He has the opportunity to help her but will only do it if she has gold to offer. Unfortunately, she’s never liked gold and only has silver, he doesn’t like silver. Why take silver when you can have gold? he wonders.

She cannot seem to give up on her fairies. He cannot seem to stop criticizing those that believe in fairies. He wishes more people would just compete for the golden trophy and stop wasting time. She wastes time and writes poems and sings songs about it. Whilst he’s winning the game. And the referee loves them both, deeply.

He would kill a fairy if it’s in the way of him getting that trophy. She sits patiently by the colorful tree hoping the fairies will come and light the way home. He plays, she lives.

Advertisements

That day

When you put yourself out there again and your heart gets horribly broken. When you finally found someone you wanted to watch stars with over and over again and it’s ripped away from you, completely unnatural. When that same person can’t say how they feel after you’ve gone through the surgery to be able to give them your heart. I gave my heart away yesterday and it has been put away, on hold. He didn’t throw it away or play with it but he wasn’t sure. It’s that day when it aches and you really hope that one of those illogical legends that the end of the world is near can actually be true. You want the end to be close because thinking of any sort of beginning without love isn’t really worth having.

When you thought you had figured it out and a piece of the puzzle fit your very odd picture that you’re trying to create. And then you realize you were wrong, again.

Today is that day. The day my heart is on hold and breaking slowly since it needs my body to function. I let him go because I cannot keep anyone who doesn’t want to stay. I hope still that he will come back, whilst forcing myself not to be optimistic about something that almost always ends in sorrow.

It’s that day you dreaded. The day after his actions didn’t match his words, his promises had to be stolen before he actually made them. It’s a day when a lot of beauty is unfolding but the blindness of the love lost, clouds the judgement and is making new memories foggy. Sleeping seems impossible, eating optional and living unbearable. Without him life will go on but the heart that is in storage beats slower by the minute. As soon as I get back home I have to take it out of the box you put it in and live with it.

I wish I could say this is the last day like this but that would be a lie. Being a queen of attention to detail makes it that much harder to forget and eventually move on. You can forget and probably will soon enough. And the shining light inside reminds me how grateful I should be and even enjoy the excruciating pain given to me on that day that is today.

Today is that day when breathing is harder and walking is slower. A day when love is expressed all around me and even the air I breathe reminds me of you. Not just what obviously should remind me of your presence but even the things you’ve never seen or touched are filled with your presence because you’re here, in my head. The looking glass of my mind filters everything through you and it has the color of your skin and everybody seems to have the color of your eyes.

Today is that day when I’m here again, heartbroken but not broken.