This winter day isn’t mine

A strange creature bit me and I bled. I have so many things I feel unhappy about and therefore I lose a day. I know how I feel about this country, I know how unlivable it can get and yet it’s not up to me to change it. All I can do is protect my days and let them be. Why can’t I just let it be? I focus on the pain, the regrets and the mistakes I can’t seem to forgive myself for and then this winter day isn’t mine; I lost it.

I hope I become a better guard of my days from now on. I want days to be mine; I want to breathe them in and play with them. Together happily ever after we have lived. Without thinking about anything but the exact precise day I’m inside of. Have it be any season or anywhere in the world…I just want to get along with any day I may encounter.

I thought I did not have anything to write about today and then this tribute showed itself up. This is a tribute to all the lost days that show up & slip from our hands. Here they are, trying to be our friends and then we manage to lose them. I wonder where they go. I wonder if they find a way to make a different soul happier. I wonder if they ever return or stored they remain in the past. The days seem to be so much wiser than us mere mortals. Life’s design seems almost absurd. Nowadays there’s just too much to do and feel; it seems impossible to do it in one lifetime. Today I say farewell to this winter day in Guatemala that I have lost. I know I might not ever see it again but I’ll try to protect dearly his future friends scheduled to show up tomorrow.

I wish I had a tree…

You know how Joni wishes she had a river she could skate away on? I wish I had a tree I could climb away on. I’ve always been drawn to trees and I find the growth of their branches absolutely fascinating. There’s a beautiful one right in front of me right now and the very first time I saw it…I wished I could climb it. His branches seem so sturdy and strong; they swear to hold me. I wish I had a tree that went up to the sky and that way I could say hello to the clouds that are also my old friends. Trees and clouds makes me smile and they have been my constant companion since I was a little girl. Trees and clouds are everywhere; that’s why I love them. They remind me how no matter where I go, they have my back.

The wishful tree I climb in my mind forms branches for me. They don’t bend so that it’s easy…they bend so that it feels right. So that when I am able to climb a little higher, I know I made an effort and therefore get to touch a cloud in the sky. The green of my tree changes colors; depending on my mood. He loves the colors in my mind and asks no questions, it just grows so that I can climb a little higher.

I wish I had a tree that found a ground to grow on right here and now. Its pace of blooming would depend on my disposition to learn. Oh I truly wish I had this colorful, changing, growing lovely tree so that I could have some space between myself and this life that feels so overwhelming at times. When I climb my tree, all my worries and regrets would vanish from my mind…the wind would wash them away. I wish I had a tree that could listen to nature’s wisdom and grow according to her advice. I’d hug my tree and it would wrap its branches around me to keep me warm. It would take me wherever my heart longs to be. I wish I had a tree I could climb away on.