It’s happening. This is real. Life is finally unfolding. By unfolding I do not mean it’s perfect, I mean it makes more sense. I’m getting to sing, to write, to photograph and witness people at their best. They are still human and flawed but that will never really change. I used to be in prison. Life was more about doing what I was told; I lived through it without being aware of what was actually happening. Now I am out and responsible for every single one of my minutes. The beauty in this freedom is indescribable but interestingly enough, a huge responsibility. Because I did not know of such freedom and bliss, I have overeaten, overslept, over partied and over everything. What would you do if you’ve just been released from prison? After a few months of such liberation, I’m searching for the perfect balance.
Because I am in love with my newfound freedom, I find myself going through the pictures in my head of what I have been able to witness after having escaped those closing walls from my past. I had no idea what I was missing out on. What is unfolding before me, tastes sweet and precious. Living it once just won’t do. I can spend hours going back to the moments I so much enjoy, the faces I get to meet. I cannot seem to get enough of this living life to the fullest situation; it’s intoxicating. The fear of having to go back to prison makes it dangerous and exciting. But even if the fear is strong, the urge to fly overpowers it. Playing it safe is the greatest risk after all.
Now I must find a way to enjoy but also be responsible, let go of the idea that I must figure it all out. I must learn moderation. Now that I am out, I realize the many programs that were forced on me in prison. I can honestly say I didn’t know how to think or be, only what I was told I should do. The only one good thing that I did learn was discipline. Because there was so much time to waste in there, to you had to be organized with your time in order to survive, you had to be in shape.
If you’re not out of your prison yet and feel locked in, get out. If you’re out, find your own bliss. No one person is the same from the other. Let’s run away and let’s breathe. Let’s live wildly and healthy. I do believe it’s possible to have it all. The happier you can become with yourself, the happier the people that walk into your life will be, the better the lessons will taste. If you resist the lessons, the more they will come back. The more you wallow about the past, the less you’ll live today.
I am moving towards trying to find the balance that I know will feed my soul. So long as I forgive myself for not having tried harder to escape, I’ll be able to build from it instead of holding it against me. I know that time was wasted but all I have is now. All I can do is learn, move on and soar.
Much of my time is spent simply enjoying the freedom. Those who were born free easily take it for granted and I know I never will. The prison is unforgettable but maybe, just maybe, it gave me one of the greatest gifts: the ability to appreciate true freedom. And that’s something I know not everyone gets to experience.