You

Words are heavy but actions are worth the weight of silver. Words are uttered into the wind and difficult to catch. Words crave to create gold but I’ve always been fond of the silver lining. Words are deceiving depending on how much meaning they contain within their letters. They lose meaning when actions reflect their opposite. Words have the power to make promises but only actions hold the key to keep them.

Actions are underrated and taken for granted. Actions reflect truth, always. Why would it matter whether you say I love you if what you do is what shines most. Actions remain floating in my subconscious and I replay the scenes over and over again. Actions have the power to remain as long as we crave for them to stay, even forever. Actions become infinite and that’s when it all becomes worthwhile.

The light wants you to stay but the darkness fears you won’t. I don’t want red to be blue without you but instead have a constant green that never vanishes. I want you to remain but more importantly, for you to desire to stay wherever my restless heart desires to be.

I asked what you wanted and you said: “you.”

You asked what I wanted and I said: “you.”

Desire should control its urges. I do not want more than what I have. I want you to fly but more importantly, I want you to be free. I want you near, but more importantly I want your happiness. I crave for this to last but even more so for it to be real.

I asked what you wanted and you said: “you.”

You asked what I wanted and I said: “you.”

You have shown me how to place more importance in the actions than in words. You have shown me what love should be like. You want me as much as I want you. You inspire me not to change. You proved me wrong when I doubted your existence. You walked in and gave me no choice but to jump into the volcano. As scary as it was, you made it inevitable. Your words sweeten the days and your actions paint the sky the color of joy.

I asked what you wanted and you said: “you.”

You asked what I wanted and I said: “you.”

What matters most

After Thanksgiving, I started to realize what truly matters. The green in the money has been trying to trap me into worry. Then it hits me…I admire those who live beyond what they have. It’s easy to be fooled by the façade but we should push through Hell and into the light. Once we remember that it’s all about the moments, nothing matters much after that. When we die, will we care more about how much we had or how much we lived? The program in our heads runs deep, but never for long. I just need to make myself snap out of it every single day. I used to allow myself to worry about that which did not matter.

What matters is getting that morning coffee and knowing that in those few moments nothing else is as important. I learned from the best and the best knows what life holds and it’s time not money. Time is money they say, I say time is much better than money…it allows us to live.

What matters is growing and knowing that in the difficult times, we have loved ones to help us through. In the bright moments, we smile and freeze the frame in our minds forever. I recently found bliss in love and without knowing if it’ll last or not, I smile. I will forever hold the frame of hiking and finding a tree to name together, Gavin. I’m grateful for that and so many moments we’ve shared so far.

Today I’m grateful not just for him, but for every single experience that led me to him. I’m grateful for every single friend that has listened and trusted me enough to share their soul. I’m grateful for my mistakes and the lessons they inevitably brought. I’m grateful for trying. Trying to be better and not complain. I’m grateful for knowing. Knowing deep inside that everything works out for the best.

I’m grateful for you and for me. I’m grateful for where I am at this very precise moment. It’s not about perfection but about making the most of what was given to me and for that lesson I am eternally grateful.

Mermaid

I am deep inside the ocean and I’m finally a mermaid. It’s so deep, I must remind myself to breathe underwater. I feel as though I’ve swum a thousand oceans and I am now here…deep inside the blue. It looks more like red than I thought it would, making everything turn purple, absolutely fantastic.

Without knowing what it would look like, I knew that if I kept diving inside the running blue, I’d eventually become a mermaid and belong inside this ocean that can constantly change its color. I knew I had to keep going in spite of the haunting monsters lodged inside the sea of the subconscious. I don’t know how but I knew I had to keep going. The hunters tried to catch me, they tried to take me out of the water into the land but the side of the water drew me in.

What I was looking for I never knew. But all I know now is the touch of the water against my part skin and part fins. I almost drowned by being human and living inside the ocean…almost. Becoming a mermaid is home. I never understood my fascination for the depths and now I know.

The liquid diamonds I’ve acquired along the journey made the struggle worthwhile and kept me from drowning…they helped me float. The liquid diamonds ran through my fingers and into my soul and even if anyone tries to take them away…I wear them inside out, like tattoos.

I am deep inside the ocean and I’m finally a mermaid. Shallow living bores me and I feel as if I have finally escaped the life that was given to me but never desired. My dream of becoming a mermaid has finally come and all I want to do is swim, enjoy the preciousness of each moment and feel the waves move through me like earthquakes. I can finally breathe inside the ocean and it’s better than I could have ever imagined it to be.