One I can call my own

I’ve seen many trees. Apple trees, pineapple trees, avocado trees, paper trees, green trees, created trees, shape shifting trees. They all have a special kind of energy. They all welcome me in for a second, sometimes a minute. Except the dark tree; the dark tree is withering and used to be an old friend, it no longer likes me in its shadows. Why? Because I like the light.

After leaving the darkness, I had to start over. Many trees have been cut down. When I think I finally found stability in a tree and its branches, I find it wasn’t so and I must move on and start all over again. Will it ever end? It doesn’t matter. Wondering about these things makes me sad and there is no point to that. All you can do is move forward and keep walking the path, whatever that may be.

Just because others have found trees, doesn’t mean I should too. Just because others are different, doesn’t mean it’ll last. Just because the darkness used to be home doesn’t mean it’ll be that way forever. It gets confusing. I’m just looking for a tree that will shape me, love me. I’m just looking for a tree that colors me and fills me with all the good things its leaves and height has to offer.

I don’t want to wander under the sun for much longer. I don’t want to feel lost. I want to choose the path that leads me to the perfect tree that also happens to be next to an enchanting lake. That way, I can have my cake and eat it too. I want a strong tree that doesn’t make me question a thing, one where all the pretty flowers bloom around it and I can be wild and free.

Is that too much to ask?

The more I think I see a tree in the distance, the less it’s an actual tree. It’s just a man made structure that seems interesting but isn’t real. It no longer hurts, it just gets tiring at times. Being under the sun won’t kill you but it’ll certainly dehydrate you and eventually make you hallucinate. It is what it is. There’s no point in going against it. Fight the fight.

I do have an angel, 20 bucks and a mind of my own and some old cookies in my pocket. I hope it’s enough to get me there. I hope it carries me through. Also, the fairies are with me. I can feel words and almost wake up anywhere my soul longs to be. Sometimes I can’t find a comfortable place to rest. Nothing feels better than a tree but that’s OK. The longer it takes, the more I’ll appreciate it.

Give me beauty. Give me love. Give me peace and give me trust. I never want to lose myself. Give me passion and give me just a little bit more. A place I can call my own, a tree to rest my soul in. A tree that will grow faster than I can. One that understands and one that will never lead me astray. One I can call my own.

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Into the green

She closes her eyes, opens them and finds herself surrounded by life. The flowers bloom, she forgets some of their names but remembers their scent perfectly. She takes off her red lovely shoes for an instant to connect with the grass. The lilies tell her their secrets and she rejoices in their wisdom.

The violets wake her up with kisses and she smiles in solitude. The trees grow taller and stronger. They remind her of the power hidden within. She picks some apples, pineapples and papayas, willingly swallows them piece by piece and it makes her skin glow. The colors of the fruit remind her of a dress she wore when she was back in the city. She then takes a swim in the river. The rocks have a very specific message and even though they’re hard on her, it’s all tough love. There’s nothing in nature that doesn’t possess love. The soil keeps her grounded and reminds her of humility.

Later on, she eats some zucchinis and spinach for lunch and the green makes her grow a wee bit taller. After so much communication, she gets an urge to follow a path. She follows her instincts and finds a beautiful one in the woods. She isn’t sure where it leads to but she trusts it, she’s unafraid. Birds accompany her with a song and fly above watching over her.

Suddenly, there’s a tiny and cozy little cabin. The path had been uphill but not hard enough for her to stop. She walks in and there are flowers on the table. The walls are old but not abandoned. The scent is strong but soothing. No one seems to be home; she oddly knew it was her own. She takes off her shoes once more and opens the window.

In solitude she remained and found a closet full of vintage dresses she used to wear. All full of color and one white one. She put on the white one and went out for one last walk before it would get dark.

The path on the other side was downhill. It led to a lake. Once again, close to the water she could clearly see the fish and how in harmony they swam, never questioning a thing. The dandelions convinced her to sing and so she did. She sang a soothing lullaby in the midst of the green and she smiled. It might have seemed as though she hadn’t accomplished much but she did. She got to see the flowers bloom, the trees grow, the birds sing, the fish swim and a tiny home become hers and fit her just right.

Will someone show up soon? She doesn’t know. But she does know how blissful this tiny corner of the world makes her and that’s all she could truly ask for. She’s grateful for everything and more.

E goes to bed and cannot wait to discover more flowers, more colors and shapes she hasn’t yet figured out. The stars tuck her in. She can’t wait to keep learning, to explore and simply live. In the midst of madness it’s incredibly easy to forget to live and acknowledge how that in itself is a privilege.

Soothing green

I’m mesmerized. I’m back on the same day. Every single day feels just like the other. But I have met these lovely creatures worth writing about. Just for the sake of the story line: I am currently not where I want to be. After living in a place that I loved, I expected to at least do something I love but the opposite happened. It’s ok…I got over it. Now I’ve made new friends here…the trees. The loveliest part about this experience is the trees. In the midst of imbalance, insanity and dysfunction, trees are the saving light throughout the merging days. Their height, posture and color are some features I can easily relate to.

If trees could talk, their language would be peaceful. If they could have a message to send, I’d be comfort. They accept the weather whichever way it is and don’t question their own existence. All they do is stand strong. All they do is move with the wind, get wet with the rain and exude different shades of green. I remember when I was a little girl I would organize my crayons and if the green would be missing, it looked hopeless. So as hopeless as here feels, it’s very difficult to lose all faith when you’re given the gift of green by these lovely creatures called trees.

So when you’re going through a rough patch, look around for anything that makes you smile. Have it be a tree or a wonderful cup of coffee. A great friend of mine once told me: “start a grateful journal and each day write something you’re grateful for…that helps you get through rough times.” Well today I’m grateful for trees. They’re leafy, green, tall and beautiful. They don’t hide from the sun or the storms. They remain standing, unafraid and always smile back with a shining soothing nature.