The Forces 

 In a storm sometimes we find clarity. When all has been taken is when you have to remain. I love the dramatic moments in your life. I love that you keep surviving against all odds. I even like that you’re stubborn and take yourself to limits you never thought you’d go. Why? Because you’re a writer. You get to experience the best and the worst. You get to see different colors and you get to feel trapped! How many people could identify with that? A lot. 
Write your pain. Write your stubbornness. Write what only you can. Look into becoming who you want to be. Stop getting in the way of yourself. Failure has been your loyal friend and you’ve grown accustomed to pain. That’s fine. Just don’t let it become you. Know that it’s outside of you. Talk to your failure. Talk to your pain. It shows up and people think it shouldn’t be there. But it is there! So don’t ignore it and don’t become it. Talk to it. Tell it it’s wrong and that you can do what you want. Tell it that it’s sometimes right but that just because you’ve failed so many times, doesn’t mean it has to be that way forever. 

Love yourself more than you love anyone else. Stay or go. It doesn’t make a difference. But try not to let it become you. You are not your relationship or lack of relationship. You are you and it’s magnificent. Keep walking the journey with yourself. Keep trying. 

In the end, all that matters is that you do something that makes you happy, that you keep going, that you inspire others, that you don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s and that the people around you support that path in a positive way. 

And if you’re not there and you’ve lost your path…go find it. It’s never too late to be who you want to be. And if you don’t make it, do your best to get as close as possible. 

I know you lack energy to do this. That’s OK. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just do as much as you can and keep trying until you die. And if something or someone brings you down; let it or them go. 

You’re going to have to be brave. Be brave. You have better tools and a couple more skills. You always have a constant angel and now you have me, your goddess. And also, this time, you have a wizard that assists you. The forces are with you. Keep strong and carry on my lovely. 
  

Advertisements

Through these halls

I’m walking through these halls with mother and the place rejects me. The walls are beige and the spirit lost. We’re here to see the purple haired queen. She knows it all. After almost 84 years, she has been the strongest, the bravest. Today she fell. Today we’re here to see her, to talk to her. Her presence is enough to always want to stay, to always want to be around her.

She always smiles and used to have yellow hair, she was born to shine. Her body was born in the 30s but her soul in the 90s, maybe later. She used to be a model and a muse and mermaid to many.

She’s the one everyone loves; everybody’s here to see her. The pale spaces clash with her colorful life choices. She never cared what anyone thought. She wore hats and high couture. She married the wrong man and had 4 children. She loves all 4 of them to the moon and back.

She’s the one whose love multiplies by the minute. 13 souls belong to her here on Earth and no matter where they happen to be; they’re coming to see her. They’re almost here.

Waiting is the hardest part, especially when you walk through these halls. You don’t know what the news will tell. It could be nothing or it could be the heart thief trying to steal a beat from each and every one of us.

The pictures on the walls are empty. The pictures in my head are full of enchanting moments shared with her. She taught me to love the stars, to speak to them. “No matter where you are, if you want to talk to me, I’m one of those big, bright stars” she’d tell me as a child. She’s one of the wealthiest creatures I’ve encountered. She spent all her money on clothes and pretty things and on those she loved. She desired beauty and beauty agreed to be her best friend forever. She wore perfume and smelled like lilies. She’s just lovely.

We’re stuck here, through these halls and they’ve asked us to wait. We want to see her, talk to her, be with her. But we have to wait.

When such a beautiful life is on the line, the waiting seems unbearable. We wait to see her and steal more of her valuable minutes, lessons. We wait to have more time and when we do, be grateful no matter how much it is and know that true love shines and never ends.

If it means getting to see the purple haired queen again, through these halls we’ll wait because there’s nothing we wouldn’t do. That’s what her love created, that’s what true love can do.

Amnesia

She woke up in the woods and couldn’t remember a thing. She vaguely remembered who she was but didn’t remember what she believed in. She woke up to a world where she had made many mistakes, she couldn’t remember but she could feel it. What she didn’t get was how those mistakes were designed for her to understand life a little bit better, in a different way. She had to let go of the concepts ‘the others’ had brainwashed into her mind. She was young but not terribly so. She was strong, but sometimes not strong enough. She knew better but forgot that she did.

After finding her way out of the woods, she was in a place full of people. She was no longer alone but felt terribly lonely. She wanted to float away and be back in the woods where it was only her and nature.

The people around her had lives, full ones it seemed. The people around her knew what they were doing, or so it seemed. Everyone pretended, or so it seemed. But what she didn’t yet know is that the only ones who really have it together are the ones that don’t care if they do or not. They are the ones that knew better than to show off.

She woke up and started to remember. She woke up and knew that not knowing was OK. That her mistakes weren’t life threatening. All she could do was remind herself over and over again what it’s all about. All she could do sometimes was eat the fresh fruit, nourish herself with kind words and walk freely through wherever she seemed to be. Yes, sometimes it was too small but it was also lovely.

Everyday she forgot. Everyday she had to remember. Some days the joy took over and other days the struggle was uphill. Some days she woke up after a nightmare and others after a beautiful dream. Some days it took her minutes to find her way, others almost the entire day. Reading helped, writing saved her. Singing made her float and capturing images opened her eyes.

It’s fine to feel as though it’s too much, so long as you keep going even when you really don’t want to. So long as you don’t give up, that’s fine. Others might not seem to swim against the current as much but that’s not you. You are you and you’re supposed to make the most of it. You’re not suppose to question as much as you do, just enough. You’re supposed to remember because some never even wake up. Some remain, never to be truly seen. Others wake up only to get lost and never be found. Be grateful. Stay strong and know that even when you feel alone, you’re not. There has to be someone else in this very big world that feels the same way. And if you’re lucky, you’ll find those restless souls and keep each other company for a while. Just try to remember, close your eyes and remember.