The Forces 

 In a storm sometimes we find clarity. When all has been taken is when you have to remain. I love the dramatic moments in your life. I love that you keep surviving against all odds. I even like that you’re stubborn and take yourself to limits you never thought you’d go. Why? Because you’re a writer. You get to experience the best and the worst. You get to see different colors and you get to feel trapped! How many people could identify with that? A lot. 
Write your pain. Write your stubbornness. Write what only you can. Look into becoming who you want to be. Stop getting in the way of yourself. Failure has been your loyal friend and you’ve grown accustomed to pain. That’s fine. Just don’t let it become you. Know that it’s outside of you. Talk to your failure. Talk to your pain. It shows up and people think it shouldn’t be there. But it is there! So don’t ignore it and don’t become it. Talk to it. Tell it it’s wrong and that you can do what you want. Tell it that it’s sometimes right but that just because you’ve failed so many times, doesn’t mean it has to be that way forever. 

Love yourself more than you love anyone else. Stay or go. It doesn’t make a difference. But try not to let it become you. You are not your relationship or lack of relationship. You are you and it’s magnificent. Keep walking the journey with yourself. Keep trying. 

In the end, all that matters is that you do something that makes you happy, that you keep going, that you inspire others, that you don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s and that the people around you support that path in a positive way. 

And if you’re not there and you’ve lost your path…go find it. It’s never too late to be who you want to be. And if you don’t make it, do your best to get as close as possible. 

I know you lack energy to do this. That’s OK. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just do as much as you can and keep trying until you die. And if something or someone brings you down; let it or them go. 

You’re going to have to be brave. Be brave. You have better tools and a couple more skills. You always have a constant angel and now you have me, your goddess. And also, this time, you have a wizard that assists you. The forces are with you. Keep strong and carry on my lovely. 
  

Pouring

It started to rain about a month ago. The water came unexpectedly; it was supposed to be summer. Because sunshine was expected, the water wasn’t welcome. At the beginning I tried my best not to get wet. I’d take an umbrella wherever I went, afraid the water would catch me. Then, by accident, I got my feet wet and to my own amazement, it wasn’t the end of the world, it even felt nice. Why was I so afraid to get wet? If rain is what is happening, why not embrace it? Every day I’d wake up in the morning and listen to the rain, the first impulse was to resist it. By the end of the day I’d make nice with the rain. For a few days I found myself forgetting my umbrella and hats and just got a little wet. I’d get back and smile knowing that I had just danced in the rain.

After trying my best to embrace the soft and tender rain for a while, yesterday it poured. I instantly felt blue; I didn’t know it could even rain that hard. I thought that if I’d become friends with the constant rain that had been coming down for a while it would eventually get sunny again. It didn’t, it poured. I talked to an angel and she said: “There’s nothing wrong with rain, embrace it, it will be alright.” Amazing how it wasn’t even an issue. It poured after it had been raining for a while. So what? What is happening is what is supposed to happen. The pouring rain has its own beauty within each and every drop. Water shouldn’t be feared. It helps you appreciate the sun.

Where I am, it was raining, now it’s pouring but the sun is there. The sun shines even when we can’t see it. The clouds try to cover it up but it never ceases to exist. This is an important fact to remember. And even in the midst of the pouring rain that clouds my 20/20 vision; I want to stay, I want to fight. I know that running away won’t make it better. I know that being scared by the pouring rain won’t fix anything; it won’t make the sun come out any sooner. The sun will shine when it’s supposed to and my job is to embrace every storm.

It’s pouring and I can either accept that I’ll get wet or suffer by trying to change that which wasn’t created to be changed.

The storm

Everything seems to fall into place after a storm. Why didn’t it end before? It wasn’t the right time. I am completely on my way and the wisdom found after losing sight of the shore is unexpectedly reassuring. “You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.” I lost sight of the shore and encountered the storm of my life. After staying inside the storm that was not right for me, I can finally see the shore and safety is once more a part of my life. What I discovered was scary but enlightening nontheless.

I had to go through the storm to find the shore again. If we never sail, then how will we know how to cherish what we have? Struggles are a blessing. Loneliness is a gift. When you make it back home after the stormy waves, you’re grateful to have loved ones and you know you can never take solid ground for granted ever again. I know I was brave because I was willing to not just go into the storm but I endured it for a long time. Now all I want to do is live life to the fullest. I do feel tired from all the swimming against the current and protecting my dreams. But I did not die, I survived and I am better for it.

I can finally see the shore. My feet aren’t quite yet on solid ground, but the comfort of knowing it’s right in front of me is the peace I strived for. I’m not in a rush, for the happiness I feel while I’m swimming towards the stable ground is completely safe and comforting. You see, once I get to the shore, I have to explore and find new things that will be great but will take up a lot of my attention and energy. For now I’m getting prepared for whatever God sends my way. But I’m also going to do what I want to do and then do what I have to do. It’s all about enjoying the now. Nothing’s going to keep me from floating. Especially now that I know I’ve survived. I’m grateful that the craziness is over. Life will always be crazy, but being where I am makes me realize how dramatic youth can be. In the future, there will be struggles; but every day I live, I learn and realize how I’ve become quite fond of growing older. Everyone adores youth, but youth carries with it drama, insecurities and the unknown; things I can do without.

For a while, when in the storm, I would dream and wouldn’t want to wake up because the dream was so much more beautiful than the tiring storm. But, after the struggle,  I am forever in debt to the dreams because they kindly whispered into my soul how the storm would pass and how I would walk my beautiful path once more. The storm I endured blinded me from seeing the shore but it could never stop me from dreaming. And here I am, almost completely on solid ground and safe, and especially grateful. It’s amazing how different it all looks after surviving the struggle. The storm has passed and the calm feels like Heaven. And I must say; it’s so much better than never leaving the shore. Even with all the pain and struggle, living is always the right choice…with or without the storm that nearly killed my soul.