I am crashing 

I’m stuck in a pattern. Has this ever happened to you? You realize the same thing happens once and again. What am I suppose to learn universe? Please tell me and I’ll read up. I’m lost. I must confess I’m lazy. I don’t believe in doing anything for money. I refuse to sell my soul. I thought energy was the most important currency; it is. But money’s power cripples in and leaves me speechless. 

I’m falling down without a sign of a parachute. It’s not that bad. I enjoy the wind and the words that pop into my head while I fall. There are things that keep me from crashing into the ground. 

I am crashing and falling down but I’m wishing and hoping to create the tools to make a hole in the ground that will take me to Wonderland through the rabbit hole. I don’t want to crawl up the building that leads to the boring office, I wanna find my way to Wonderland. Please show me the way universe; please shed the yellow light. I need it. 

I am crashing down but maybe it’s just what’s suppose to happen; at least that’s what I need to believe. Go on gravity, bring it. I won’t fight you, I’ll come crashing and it’ll be epic.

One I can call my own

I’ve seen many trees. Apple trees, pineapple trees, avocado trees, paper trees, green trees, created trees, shape shifting trees. They all have a special kind of energy. They all welcome me in for a second, sometimes a minute. Except the dark tree; the dark tree is withering and used to be an old friend, it no longer likes me in its shadows. Why? Because I like the light.

After leaving the darkness, I had to start over. Many trees have been cut down. When I think I finally found stability in a tree and its branches, I find it wasn’t so and I must move on and start all over again. Will it ever end? It doesn’t matter. Wondering about these things makes me sad and there is no point to that. All you can do is move forward and keep walking the path, whatever that may be.

Just because others have found trees, doesn’t mean I should too. Just because others are different, doesn’t mean it’ll last. Just because the darkness used to be home doesn’t mean it’ll be that way forever. It gets confusing. I’m just looking for a tree that will shape me, love me. I’m just looking for a tree that colors me and fills me with all the good things its leaves and height has to offer.

I don’t want to wander under the sun for much longer. I don’t want to feel lost. I want to choose the path that leads me to the perfect tree that also happens to be next to an enchanting lake. That way, I can have my cake and eat it too. I want a strong tree that doesn’t make me question a thing, one where all the pretty flowers bloom around it and I can be wild and free.

Is that too much to ask?

The more I think I see a tree in the distance, the less it’s an actual tree. It’s just a man made structure that seems interesting but isn’t real. It no longer hurts, it just gets tiring at times. Being under the sun won’t kill you but it’ll certainly dehydrate you and eventually make you hallucinate. It is what it is. There’s no point in going against it. Fight the fight.

I do have an angel, 20 bucks and a mind of my own and some old cookies in my pocket. I hope it’s enough to get me there. I hope it carries me through. Also, the fairies are with me. I can feel words and almost wake up anywhere my soul longs to be. Sometimes I can’t find a comfortable place to rest. Nothing feels better than a tree but that’s OK. The longer it takes, the more I’ll appreciate it.

Give me beauty. Give me love. Give me peace and give me trust. I never want to lose myself. Give me passion and give me just a little bit more. A place I can call my own, a tree to rest my soul in. A tree that will grow faster than I can. One that understands and one that will never lead me astray. One I can call my own.

The path

I thought I had a right to give up. I thought I was entitled to have it all. Sometimes I still think I’m entitled to have things go my way. Then, life slapped me in the face. It was gentle though. It went easy on me because I didn’t need much to learn. I never knew what I wanted to do with my life so I gave up. I was always pursing the path of my dreams but didn’t end up where I wanted to be. No guy was truly interested in me so I gave up walking the path and sat down by a tree instead. I got tired and took a nap next to the pineapple tree that a redhead sung about. Then one day I woke up. I decided I was going to learn how to change. Change is something that requires extreme patience and tolerance for a path you might not like. After many twists and turns, this new road I’ve decided to take has been quite interesting.

I might not have found as many vivid colors as I’d like but I found pale colors that fed my patience. I might not have felt as intense as I did but I’ve felt stability. The road less taken was the only one I knew how to take and it gave me endless amount of joy and passionate experiences. But now I’m on the road commonly taken and amazingly enough it has also given me unknown lessons. The best thing about travelling this road after all the excitement is that you know it is not the road for you…but oddly enough it’s still a good idea to take it. The road less traveled is my destiny and I know that for sure. But walking through this conventional path has made me face issues I had ran away from. It has made me face my fears in a whole different light. This path isn’t right but it’s a path nonetheless. And it brings with it the wisdom of the logical conventional types. It’s given me a sense of empathy. I know now why so many take this road; it’s safe. I used to think it was cowardly but it isn’t. The white fences are there for a reason. It’s a road that doesn’t have as many curves or dares to go up or down. It is predictable and that makes it less scary for most. Some people like to know what is ahead; some don’t. If I stayed in this very straight road, I know where I would end up. That is unacceptable to me. But being here on the safe lane, knowing that the curvy, unpredictable road is my own has taught me more than I thought I was capable of learning.

I ran away from this straight line but I didn’t know why; all I did was follow my instincts. Wise friends those instincts. But now I can see, feel and touch the reasons why it isn’t right for me. And I hold no judgment for those who choose it; I hold judgment for nobody. But I do hold advice. If the straight, predictable line is what you feel in your soul is right for you, follow it. But if you feel that the road less traveled and full of bumps is meant for you, follow it as well. Don’t let fear or the expectation of what you should be, get in the way of your own path.

If your road is a combination of both, then stay true to that. And if you’re travelling the wrong road for the time being; learn from it too and take from it what it has to offer. I resisted this boring, straight road I felt I had to take after playing with enchanting musical trees. I thought nothing could be better than the unknown. But then I started to open my eyes and saw what I could learn; even from the straight predictable road I avoided constantly. The path you take is your choice, make sure you cross what you want to cross in the moment and walk what you feel is right. And even if you find yourself in the wrong song, embrace it. Once you get back on track you’ll be glad you enjoyed wherever you happened to be.