The crashing

It all comes crashing down. It all falls apart and you think you won’t survive. You think it’s all over; except it isn’t.

Disappointment. Heartbreak. Unexpected pain. I used to be lost without it. I still struggle with it. It all comes crashing and you want to know why and you’re in denial and you fight it and you cope.

When you’re in your thirties and you still have the same struggles as you did in your twenties, you wonder what is wrong. Except maybe nothing is actually wrong. Maybe we crash and we can stare at the crash and waste away wondering why instead of just fixing the car and moving on.

This is a very enlightened me because when the shit hits the fan, I shout and scream and struggle and take my time coping with what has been destroyed in front of me.

It’s a crash; it’s painful. You feel lost and you don’t know what will happen next. So what? The crashing is unexpected, the pain is real and you either suffer and stay there or suffer for a while and move on. Take your time, look at the crash, fix it, and move on as soon as you’re ready. Not a second sooner or later. Just be kind to yourself because it’s easiest to destroy yourself instead of just seeing it for what it is: a crash.

This too shall pass and hard times happen. Breathe and let it be.

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Beating through 

So many things bring us down. So many things kick us down. Yes. Life gets tiring and I have always let it beat me. It finds an excuse not to work hard. 

I’m trying to slowly and steadily take care of myself. It all starts there. Your skin, your body, your fuel, your teeth, your ideas. Simple things that are diamonds! We should take care of our diamonds because they are our instrument. 

The guy hurt you; a parent disappointed you; your friends betrayed you, you put yourself down. And suddenly, that’s enough to not care and give up. Terrible. That shouldn’t be and I can finally see it clearly. 

It’s time. Work out even if you’re tired. Wash your face even if you wanna go to bed. Eat healthy even if you’re craving those fries. It’s not worth it! Instant gratification is not worth it. It doesn’t make you happy in the end. I learned that the hard way. I’ve experienced it.

As I’m writing this, I realize how hard it is. And yes, it is really really hard. That’s why we don’t do it. Discipline takes work and energy but the payoff is huge. 

So yes, I’m utterly beat but I’m willing to finally push through and take myself to the limit. I’m willing to write more just for the sake of writing. I’m willing; are you?