The little boy

He wakes up and has to take care of business. There are diapers to change, issues to solve and fights to be had to survive this life that was given to this little boy.

“Hey! Come here.” He hears a bully scream. “What?” He bravely responds. He starts to negotiate a beating. He loses the negotiation and the bully and the boy get into a huge fight. 

His mom arrives at the school overwhelmed by this problem and by the other 4 kids she has to take care of. The little boy feels no shame, he had a reason to do it. He gets kicked out of that institution and once again had to go searching for a new school. 

The little boy is screaming and no one can hear him. Help me! Help me! He screams. His mom can’t hear him over other babies crying. Help!!! I need somebody! Help!!! He wasn’t heard. 

The boy becomes a man and has made many dysfunctional friends along the way. He tries many drugs and becomes friends with alcohol. But he does still admire his dad and wants to make him proud. He starts to work and is an average joe. 

The man wakes up one day and cannot breathe. Help!!! He yells again. Help!!! No one can hear him, he’s alone. He searches for help and finds Yoda. This yoda is modern, he comes in the form of an old wise man with white hair. He decides to help the little boy. The man was relieved. 

The process begins and the little boy arises. So much to fix, so much to undo. Can it be done?

Changes are made drastically; some good, some extreme. The message is sent but is taken to the extreme. Something comes of it; more good than bad. The man can breathe again and that’s good enough for him. 

Many stories unfold simultaneously and many people are yelling help! And we can’t hear them and they can’t hear us. Let’s try to get it right the first time. Let’s try to help each other out and be connected enough to listen! 

There is no longer an excuse. Let’s save the little boys and girls that have done nothing wrong. Let’s give them love and attention. Let’s save them before it’s too late. 

And if it’s too late, let’s be compassionate and try to understand that sometimes we’re all just doing the best we can and that should be enough for now. 

The little boy is in the process of being saved. It’s a long process but an effective one. It’s slow but steady. Let’s embrace our processes and remember that we’re all a work in progress. 


Why perfection?

It’s an abandoned place. There’s a little girl that feels lonely. She doesn’t know what to do except pretend that everything’s perfect and express herself. There isn’t much to eat and she’s lost a few pounds. She’s pale and has short hair. She has forgotten what real life looks like. All she owns is one skin colored dress. Her feet are dirty from walking around.

She grows up through struggle. She doesn’t know what she deserves. Against all odds, she survives. She doesn’t know what to do so she decides to create. She dances and she sings. She starts to write these imperfect stories. Because of these imperfect stories, she’s curious about others that have also led imperfect lives. Perfection seems like an impossible dream. She still fights for it.

She’s on her way there and gets trapped in the middle. In between the old broken life she had and the perfect one she strives to achieve. Will she get there? It’s up to her.

On a cloudy afternoon she looks up and sees what she’s created. She’s made songs, she’s made a mess but she’s made something. The little girl is now a woman and she likes to forget. But when she remembers, she documents. She sees pain and feels it. She also sees a strange kind of beauty in others. She opens her eyes and realizes that the ugliness made her. The graffiti wasn’t a mistake after all, it was art. The stories she tells reminds others of where she’s been and how there’s nothing wrong with it, even when it shouldn’t have happened.

The hungry little girl still lives inside of her. Why strive for perfection? She doesn’t know but she doesn’t want what wasn’t meant to be had. Maybe perfection lives wherever we are now and what we get to create with what we have.

Seeing others have these seemingly perfect lives makes her wonder why it doesn’t feel like that for her. It doesn’t matter. What matters most is that she express herself. Even if all else fails, she must create. What saved her as a little girl will be what saves her as an adult.

Alle is beautiful. She doesn’t remember it often and others don’t tell her enough, but she is perfect. She might not feel it but her abilities are beyond belief. She’s flawed and isn’t afraid to show it and that’s as close to perfection as anyone could ever get.

Concept of happiness

“Never apologize for knowing what you want.”

I jumped the gun. I know what I want and if anything will waste my time, I’m not in. It could have been a mistake, it could not have been.

Happiness isn’t what I thought it would be. After not only feeling disappointed but also becoming it, I’m done. I’m done holding on to what I thought would make me happy. Whenever something is out of reach, I let it go. Whenever someone isn’t sure about me, I’m done.

This is a hard concept to accept. This is hard. Whenever someone would ask me if I was happy, I’d have to have everything figured out to be honest about it. Now, things are as absurd as they’ve always been, but the difference is that I’m done. I’m done caring. Caring too much is the path to disappointment. Not caring enough can be just as bad but a more peaceful path.

More than happiness; I want peace. More than holding on; I want to let go. I cannot live the way I used to. I cannot try to impress others with what I’ve done or haven’t done. Everybody wants to define you, even I do. Whenever I find myself feeling inadequate, I suffer. Whenever I look to someone else to make me happy, they fail me. The never-ending lesson continues to be one of solitude. It’s one where I have to find a way to be happy and enough no matter who surrounds me or where I end up.

The bad ones will hurt you; the good ones will hurt you. I don’t feel hopeless, I feel alone and strong. I feel tired but willing. I no longer enjoy playing the victim card but am still surprised to find everybody to be almost the same as everyone else. I don’t like to blame, I like to understand.

I want to completely change whatever concept of happiness I had. I never want to find myself comparing myself to anyone else. I never want to feel inadequate or insufficient. I want to be my own hero. I want to be strong enough to endure whatever I’m supposed to. And if it gets lonely, man up and know it’s not the end of the world. And if I feel sorry for myself, stop and stare at those who have done it before me and carry on. It’s easy to get caught up in our own little bubble. Yes, we’re grand but only when we become greater than ourselves.

Happiness changes and maybe that is the ultimate goal. It’s not about having it all or getting the guy; it’s about being happy no matter what happens. It’s about understanding that life isn’t perfect but it teaches us and always gives us the opportunity to grow and inspire others to do the same. That’s where I’m at and the only place I truly should crave to be.