Nothing is something

I don’t know well enough to know. I don’t know anything anymore. After a never ending succession of events happening one after the other and getting them all mixed up in in my head, it’s gotten confusing. You’d think that things get easier, but that’s not always the case. You become more peaceful, more mature, and if you’re lucky maybe even wiser. But I guess easy isn’t always our desire. After carefully evaluating all the collections I’ve acquired throughout the years, it’s a fact that easier hasn’t been my favorite color in the crayon box. Sometimes it was on purpose, other times it wasn’t. Now I’m here and there’s a situation that’s nothing that could easily turn into something.

There’s a he involved and he is as complex and intertwined into himself as I am. Chaos? We will see. Should it be a nothing left as a nothing? Of course not. Will he leave it as a nothing? Time will tell.

There’s not much to do but ignore the ignorant voice in my head saying dreadful things and simply listen to the trapped butterflies. He seems broken but kind. He seems interested but distant. His actions speak louder than words.

He was sent from a different galaxy. The fact that I understand his brain could either be taken as a wonderful casualty or a horrible disaster. All I know is that he makes me laugh and keeps it interesting. That’s enough to let the nothing twist and turn into whatever it’s supposed to. All I have to do is get out of the way, which is extremely difficult for me.

Nothing is something when what use to bother you doesn’t as much; when you look forward to tomorrow even if it’s just an average day. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it simply has to be real.

Let anything and everything become something. Just let it. It’s a risk you’ll regret not taking. I didn’t even want to write about it thinking it would be giving it too much attention. This heart of mine is always screaming for attention. That’s OK. I only get to experience this life through being me and I should embrace that. Let life be, let life happen, let life smile when you least expect it. Let life show you a star after weeks of the cloudiest skies. I never want to forget how it all works. I don’t have it all figured out but I do feel happier than I have in a very long time. It’s probably the yellowed winged angel looking out for me closely from the heavenly sky.

Don’t be afraid and let it be something. It’s not about what it means to anybody else but you. Enjoy it.

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Life happens

Life happens and my first instinct is to run away. I won’t run away too fast or for too long though. It just never ceases to amaze me how fear tries to crawl inside of me only to leave me paralyzed. I am finally getting an opportunity to be everything I want to be. It is the beginning of a beautiful phase of life and I’m getting in my own way.

I need to get out of the way and let life happen. I have to stop resisting what is meant to be, because otherwise I’m really screwed. I know I’ll pull through and I will succeed. I know because I believe it as a fact. After years of not believing in myself enough, I’m done. But old habits die hard and I just want to get unstuck. I want to tell everyone who’s stuck, including myself, to snap out of it! We get so used to complaining about things not being the way they’re supposed to and then when it all starts to make sense, fear gets in the way! No way, I won’t have it.

Life was created for it to be lived and enjoyed. It was created for it to happen…not to hide or to be crippled by fear. It’s ok to step back before jumping, so long as you jump. That’s where I am. I am about to jump and I’m just making sure I’m ready. The fact of life is that it doesn’t wait for you. It’s fast, unpredictable and unstoppable.

Life as we know it has changed. Right now for me, for the better. So if anything holds the possibility of beauty and love and risk…let’s take it. Do not let life slip away. Life happens and we should be right in the middle of it when it does. I do believe some are doers and others are watchers. I also love watching life, but for me, there’s nothing like the thrill of doing it. There’s nothing like being the leading character of your own movie. It’s easier to watch but it’s braver to do. I want to do. I want to live, not watch others do the living hoping it’ll be my turn someday. Life is happening and we decide whether or not it happens to us.

The fear or the faith?

I utterly hate fear. It can trick me into believing something I’m not. It whispers into my ear what I cannot do. It tries to trip me and make me fall into a hole of inadequacy. I’m looking at it right in the face and I do not want to listen to it or let it in. I am ready to explore the unknown and tired of buying the whole crap that I’m too old or that it’s too late. Even if there’s something I want to do but feel that I can’t, I’ll just mock the fear in the face and act as if I can do it and then be done with it. Having been born in a hole where darkness makes most of the people blind to see, I’m ready to open my eyes and see the colors that only light could create. The fear never feels right. The fear closes your eyes and closes your mind to the possibility of the beauty.

The fear can only be overshadowed by the faith. The faith is what needs to be shed on our fears. I feel as though little by little the fear disappears. It intends to come back and haunt us but if we remember the faith and its powers, we should not fear. The waking up is the hardest part. The fear knows about our forgetfulness and tries to catch our mind as soon as we wake up. That’s why it’s important to have a phrase when you wake up to make the fear go away. Then you remember and it calms down and you know the fear is unreal…it’s a figment of our imagination.

I utterly love faith. It gives you a reason to wake up in the morning and have something to look forward to. It whispers words of wisdom and encouragement. It tries to remind you how absolutely anything is possible and to never give up. It supports you in following your dreams and your heart’s desire. Even if the odds are against you, the faith knows you can do it. The faith is the light…darkness isn’t even an option for the faith. The faith is the one and only thing that is real and worth listening to. The faith should always win the battle against the fear. And because life is a decision, I know the faith already won; now and always.

Stop and stare

I stop and stare at my problems and I’m frozen. I can no longer focus on anything that truly matters. I forget about peace, about the work, about life. I cannot seem to write, to sing or be me. I even allow future problems to cripple into my brain and freeze my naturally warm thoughts. I know this is nothing more but a terrible habit I picked up from trying and failing. I know all that is truly getting in my way is fear. I wake up and it’s almost as though I try to find my fears for them to haunt me. That is why we must stop and stare to see what is really happening.

Once we know what our fears are, we can face them and know there’s nothing to be afraid of. They are simply creations of our mind that seem real but are not. Stop and stare at your fears in the face and the satisfaction that comes from knowing that love and faith inside of you were stronger than any fear in existence, is the most beautiful thing.

Stop and stare at all that you have accomplished; at what you’ve become. Don’t stop and stare at your failures; stop and stare at the many times you got up after you had fallen. Stop and stare at the person you proudly are; not the one you’re afraid to be. Always stop and stare at a person you’re proud to be. Then you’ll see the truth and won’t be haunted by what doesn’t exist. Fear is a lie, it’s important to remember that.