Be there

I’m finally there. I’m at the top of the mountain. I still have a few pounds to shed and what seems to be an endless amount of lessons to learn. I still have money to make and people to inspire. I still haven’t seen it all or have been to every single place my soul longs to be. There is still love to find. And yet, I’m there.

But I am also done. I’m done not celebrating who I am. I’m done caring when caring isn’t truly welcome. I recently gained weight…again. I recently made a mistake…again. But I’m done paying attention to it. What happens when I do is a vortex. I go into the shadows and take quite a while. I get there, it gets worse and I dance with the demons that try to make me stay. I won’t be there anymore.

Staying in the light can be difficult. It shouldn’t be but it is. I need to work on staying under the glow on a daily basis. I have to know that happiness should be the easiest choice. And after being in the light for a while now, I realize how lovely and peaceful it is. The fairies guide the way, the trees whisper lullabies. I like the sun; I like it better than the darkness. Because I’ve seen both I sometimes forget. It’s easy to forget who you are when you are so many things, when opposites pull you from one side to the other. When life hasn’t been laid out for you, you have to create a path where no one has ever been. It’s not as bad as it sounds, it just is.

I might not know much but I do know what I’m done with. I’m done taking too long feeling sorry for myself, I’m done liking you more than I like me. I’m done with regret and I’m done with deep pain. And even if I want to be done with it and it still shows up sometimes, I won’t play.

I’m done giving up when it gets tricky. I’m done caring about age. I’m done crying for too long. I’m done with silence. I’m done looking back and wondering what happened. I’m done wanting to be what I’m not. I’m done with comparison. I’m done with the concepts that were pushed into my brain when I was I kid. I’m done thinking it should be better than it is.

I’m done because I can be and I want to be. It might not be over but at least I know that I’m done and willingness is a force to be reckoned with. Once you make up your mind, the door is open and it becomes possible. It’s just getting to that point that’s hard sometimes. But I’m there. And I invite you to be done with anything that makes you feel less than what you are. Anything that gets in the way of your beautiful spirit, rid yourself of it. Create a place where nobody, not even yourself can tamper with. It doesn’t matter how; just trust it’s the right thing to do and be done living a life less adequate than what you know deep down inside you deserve.

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