Be an instrument

Emotions become me. The misery runs right through my veins and all I know how to do is cry, or maybe sing with all my heart. Then, the joy is a burst of emotions and I have to run and jump and scream; whatever I can to get by.

I can no longer become the feelings of the song that’s playing in my head. The verse of the poem runs through me like an endless river and I must let go of its enchanting waters.

I want to tell a story and no longer struggle with mine. My story is messy, complicated, unknown, unpredictable and a bit of an unorganized puzzle. I must let it be. Simply let the pieces come together naturally.

Everything has been put on hold because of the incessant need to feel. Not only through myself but also through the people I see and become what they feel. The places have used up my ability to express their welcoming warmth or absolute rejection. They take over me and it seems unbearable at times.

All the faces that smile and cry have used me to express their different shades of emotion. My friends and their problems have become mine and are bottled in a chamber of secrets I can no longer keep alive. I can no longer become you, him or her.

It’s time to become an instrument of what’s inside of me and transform it into different shapes and colors for others to see, feel and interpret. The stories must and always should be bigger than us. I cannot remain here, silent with everything to say. Not truly understanding but knowing their lessons within their insanity.

I will take what I have and create. I will not let the overflow of the river become me. It’s time to say thank you for the trust and become an instrument of it all and no longer b everything that keeps happening to me. It’s time to release what has been held hostage.

It’s that time to let go. It’s time to know that it’s not about what has happened to me but what I do with it and make it into something that could be very helpful for someone else. It’s that time to let it flow through me, into you; from where it begins, passing through me, out of me and hopefully into and out of you as well.

If you have the courage to create, know that it’s crucial to be an instrument for whatever message you know in your heart you have to share. There’s nothing to fear and know that nothing is worse than keeping it selfishly inside.

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