He brought over a bottle of wine for our last date. We never drank it so it sat there lonely, reminding me of yet another guy that wasn’t the right one. The bottle sat there for a while. It’s incredible how much importance we can give a thing that doesn’t matter. It’s fine; I have learned, I have lived.
I have recently discovered several dysfunctional patterns within myself. I thought I was a victim, I thought something was wrong with me. I’m not perfect but I do want to be happy. I have failed but I do want to succeed.
I was saving the bottle of wine to share with a friend but I never heard back from any friends. I was saving the bottle of wine and didn’t think much of it. It sat there by itself, waiting for a moment.
Tonight, I opened it and celebrated by myself. I celebrated my mistakes, my soul, and my life. I celebrated my endless amount of imperfections. I celebrated not knowing how it will unfold but being happy because of it. I celebrated being single most of my life. I hold on tightly to what I think I should want. I hold on tightly to the way things should have been. Tonight I let go. Tonight I embraced life the way it should be embraced.
All I want is to be happy, to remember and be remembered. Yes, it can be complex but all we truly should be, most of the times, is grateful. I have seen many things, I have travelled and I have learned what I do not want. I have learned desire and not having what I want most. I have lived.
With a bottle of wine, I embrace who I am and what I’ve been through. With a bottle of wine, I’m letting go of what I was not yet ready to learn. I am trying to be as good as it gets. I am trying to find a balance and it feels right.
I no longer go out seeking for approval…I am trying to go out and be myself. I am trying my best and my best is good enough, finally.
Thank you for what I have, who I am and what I’ve seen. Tonight I celebrate the living, the dreaming, the pain and the love. Today I celebrate solitude and not knowing. Tonight I might not have it all figured out but I’m certainly happy to be who I am, where I am and in bliss with my own company. Tonight everything and everyone is enough.
Tonight, with a bottle of wine, I celebrate. Cheers.