I demanded love. I expected it. I thought I deserved it. I do but being entitled is never fair. Not only does it keep good things away, it hurts you. I grew up being very self centered, I still am. But now I want to reach another level. I want to give; I want authentic happiness. I want to be better, I truly do.
After many disappointments, I was contemplating giving up. Then I realized that it’s just as selfish as thinking I should have more than what I do. I want you and when you don’t, I get angry. Then, I convince myself that I don’t want you anymore and become cynical and insecure. I question life. I no longer want to play games, not with you or myself.
I was reminded today of the importance of giving. Not in an obvious way though. The voice has been telling me to work on my art and work on my purpose, on what I love. I have been resisting it because of how I feel. Am I happy enough? Am I good enough? Can I succeed? The problem, once again, became the I. It doesn’t matter if I feel completely ready, willing or confident. What matters is how many people I can reach, how many people I can help, how many people’s pain I can ease, how many people I could even inspire. I write because I want to give. I sing because I want to give, I want to connect. I teach because I want to give and I love because I want to give everything inside of me.
It is crucial to remember the difference between doing what we stubbornly want and what is right. Today I want it to be the last bad day and it can be. It can be because it should never really be just about me. It should be about you, about us and about the stories we can tell, the difference we can make. It’s illogical to think as small when life is endless.
We’re all in this together. We do hurt each other and we’re flawed but if we believe in ourselves as a whole, there is hope. If we find a way to just give and not expect anything in return, we’re saved. The big picture creates a much more beautiful image than a single one can.
This is, unfortunately, easy to forget. But it is impossible to get rid of. We were born to bond and if we sometimes feel we can’t do it for ourselves, then do it for someone else…even if it’s someone you don’t know. It becomes grander and selfless. We get to see and feel life from a higher angle. Give as much as you can and know that it’s the one thing you won’t ever regret.