There are four manlike creatures in front of me. I am obviously in a place that looks like Wonderland and feels like heaven. The weather is kind and I’m almost as beautiful as I’d like to be. I’m sitting on a beautiful bench but I cannot seem to be able to move my feet. I want to talk to them all but I cannot move. They all see me and sometimes come talk to me. When they do, I usually say the right thing but then, as usual, the wrong thing happens to slips through the cracks. The blonde one is very handsome and when he does not sit next to me, the other female creatures catch him. He knows how popular he can be and I’m not sure he knows I can see him out and about. I’m sitting in a bench that has the perfect view. I can see what they are all doing. I love being by myself but then I get lonely and want their company. The blonde isn’t right but because they all want him, the desire grows. You’d think I’d know better by now, but I guess the lesson didn’t fully sink in.
Then there’s the brunette. He’s a puzzle. He can see me more clearly and might have less female creatures pursuing him…but he’s a puzzle. Because he has more years hiding under his hair, he’s more strategic. I don’t know where I was when all the game playing and strategic planning was taught, must have skipped school that day. I like this dark haired one but I’m not sure exactly what’s happening.
The other two guys are a blur. I cannot seem to be able to describe them because they only exist in the future. If the two guys that seem to exist in the present cease to come visit me, the two future manlike creatures will become completely visible and real. I don’t know why but I feel utterly frustrated when they don’t choose to be with me. Not only do I want to be the chosen one but I want to be the only one they can see. Growing up I never truly felt chosen by the opposite sex. Yes, I think I still have that issue growing in the garden where my bench happens to be. I want one of them to join me and never want to leave my side.
But in spite of who joins me or not, I shouldn’t be focusing on what they’re doing or not. I shouldn’t care as much. What I should be focusing all my energy on is getting my feet to work again and choose for myself. Get up and decide who’s worthy of my time and attention. I might not be the chosen one, but I’m the chooser. Being the chooser should be the ultimate goal. Why do we wait for that other person to choose us? Why should I be OK with waiting for one of them to join me? Why do we wait for the approval that should be given by no one but ourselves? I’m fed up with the insecurities and the games. Yes, they exist and you can be a part of it as much as you’d like. But never give any of your worth to anybody else. It’s difficult not to care but waiting to be saved or chosen is worse. Once you get right again and find a way to get your beautiful feet to function properly; walk, run and then fly. Once you do, it won’t matter if you’re chosen. You’ll instantly become one of the even more precious ones that can choose to be whomever they want, be with whomever they please and live the life you’ve chosen and never knew you always wanted. And I truly believe that’s the right choice.