Missing

I saw you in my dream last night. My brain is trying to tell me that I’m supposed to miss you but I don’t. Maybe I do but I’m convinced that I don’t. After leaving many places and faces, having them miss me and express to me how missed I am makes me smile. You haven’t once told me you missed me and that forces me not to miss you. I can’t miss you, I won’t.

When you miss someone, you should let him or her know. When something means a lot to you, you should recognize its hole. I recognized how much I missed you and you still couldn’t, you didn’t. I’m at the point in my life where so much has happened; I simply cannot miss what isn’t there. I know the mistakes I’ve made, I know how dramatic I can be, I know how lost I seem to be. But I also know that what is missed isn’t you, it can’t be.

I don’t believe it should be this hard. I don’t believe it should be that confusing. When the heart is involved, it’s a no brainer. I was wired in a very unconventional way. I do not like the way this world works. I miss a world I was never a part of. I miss not caring and not having to prove myself. And then I realize I create this world. If I miss living in an unconventional way, then it’s time to stop missing it and just create it for myself. Who’s to say I can’t?

I’ve stopped missing you because in this beautiful perfect world I create, there’s no missing, there’s just living. If you left, you’re not worth missing. If you choose logic over passion, missing you is wasting youthful minutes of my precious time. The brain gets in the way and you still crash my dreams sometimes but that does not mean that I miss you. I know this because it’s my choice. I choose who to miss and who not to miss.

There’s nothing missing because there’s just so much. I don’t seem to have much to show for myself but then I turn around and realize I have everything to give. Everything is there for me to use and create my world. Now I’m ready and today I’m missing no one, I’m missing nothing.

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