It’s not you, it’s love

I have had the hardest time getting over you. I am hurt and mad at you. I never heard from you and not knowing why has killed me softly. I have been torn and not sure if I should erase you from my mind. Something won’t allow me to completely eliminate you, I like you. I think you’re an OK guy that’s afraid of love and that’s that. I just saw your picture and it hit me, it’s not you, it’s love. I’m not hurt or mad at anyone but at something. It’s something that’s inside me that I cannot let go of. Love hasn’t been what I have expected it to be and I feel hurt by that. No human being is capable, especially you, of hurting like this. We each have a life and our filters are altered by our very own experiences and colors.

You haven’t done anything wrong but live your life the best way you know how. It’s not you, it’s love that I’m mad at. I guess it’s just easier when we have a face and a soul to blame for our pain and loneliness. You needed distance to move on with your life and there isn’t more to it than that. I saw your picture and it didn’t melt my heart, it actually reminded me of things I didn’t like about you. I did not like how you took me for granted and couldn’t really see me. It reminded me how you never invited me to go with you under the sun.

Yes, you kissed me and it was wonderful but it wasn’t enough. I know I want it all and more but maybe that’s not such a bad thing. The absence of love is hard but knowing where the pain comes from is reassuring. You never really cared that much and that shouldn’t hurt me, it is what it is. Your life is about what you’re doing and not what you’re feeling. Someday you will have to face your emotions and I hope you can cope. I deal with my emotions because I’d rather do it now and not have a midlife crisis when I’m older.

As painful as it is, I would much rather go through the pain sooner rather than later. I want to forgive love. I do not want to be angry anymore and because I know me, I know I’ll find a way out of this and I will be happy and you will see my happiness but only from a distance. Because when I do meet the right guy, I want him to not only love my beautiful mess but I want him to be a part of it without a doubt. I am done being upset at you because it’s not you at all, it’s love. Love is a powerful force and I know that I will somehow figure it all out and it will all make sense in the end. And I hope you find a way to melt your icy heart. I cannot care about you, I can only care about me. I just have to separate your face from love’s. Your face has nothing to do with love.

It’s not you, it’s love.


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