Some days I feel like I’m going to die. I get an urge to tell those that I love how much they mean to me as if the end was near. I’m actually running out of time. Aren’t we all? As crazy as it sounds, I don’t think it’s that insane. But then I look at so many around me, especially men…they don’t like it when I say everything I feel or when I’m impulsive and have these urges to be open with my heart. To them, I’m a basket case. It really doesn’t matter except when it hurts like Hell and I end up not getting what I want, love. I remember each and every guy that has hurt or disappointed me and I still cannot seem to shake off the feeling that I’m dying. By some sort of miracle I still believe there will be a guy who appreciates how I seize the moment and he will do the same with me. But so far, they don’t get me. Lately I’ve realized this is the problem. Most guys don’t get me and it’s important that they do. I know how peculiar I can be, but not so much so that no one gets me. My friends and family seem to embrace my insanity and I truly do not take it for granted.
Not saying how I feel seems almost impossible. I know I am easily misunderstood but it shouldn’t be that hard. If someone doesn’t get me, they shouldn’t get to be in my life. I seem to hold on to those that do not appreciate me and this is something that must change. I know my heart and I know how much love it has.
I’m dying and I do need others to survive the living but I guess I just have to wait until someone knows that we are all dying too and that life is too short to waste. Each and every moment is precious and I cannot find another way to be. And in spite of all the pain, I know it’s worth it to be the way I am. I don’t know how or why but I just know that the day will come where I will be understood; not just by him but by many.
So if you know that we’re dying and cannot seem to hold it in, don’t. Surround yourself by those that seize the moment and aren’t intimidated by your fearlessness. The fears in my heart belong to someone else. When I am truly honest, I know how to be and I mustn’t forget that. Against all odds, I will continue to be myself and I encourage everyone else to do the same. When I say that we’re dying, it’s just a reminder of how important it is to live and live passionately.