On a clear day

Work out, eat healthy, good thinking, kindness, understanding, a little craziness and expression makes a good day. Getting over someone or something is one of the hardest things to experience. Then, unexpectedly, the day comes when you feel good again and you smile harder because you won’t take it for granted. When in Hell, you have to keep going. Unfortunately Hell is intense and doesn’t allow you to remember that ‘this too shall pass’ and then, against all odds, the light comes out again and it never looked as beautiful as it does now. The light shines deeper, art is accentuated by more of its own beauty, music’s melody sounds sweeter and peace becomes the most precious asset to possess. Life seems greater. Why? Because it is; the struggles inevitably hold lessons hidden inside their pain. The question is whether or not you’ll see it.

The clarity brought by a good day after the struggle is a miracle. I have had a hard time letting go of absolutely everything and anything. I have concepts in my head of what it should be like and letting go has been nearly impossible. An acute sensitivity to my surroundings made experiences in my youth stick. They are so stuck, I cannot shake them out. The Devil gladly helps the concepts stick so that I won’t see what’s really there; life without any labels, rules or definitions. I catch myself thinking or acting in ways I know aren’t me, not the real me at least. I catch those little demons whispering ideas of insecurity and worry into my subconscious and the degree of absurdity of what they say would make anyone laugh and cry simultaneously; that’s how absurd it is.

On a clear day I feel grateful for getting to live. I don’t question anything; not the mistakes or the pain that’s been suffered. Energy isn’t wasted but used. I don’t worry about an unknown future, as if someone guaranteed it would all work out and all I have to do is enjoy the ride. Why can’t we trick our minds into doing just that? Live. And if you happen to have more or less, at any given time, it wouldn’t matter because you already have a piece of paper saying it will all work out perfectly.

Tristan and I always say how feeling the way we do is a blessing and a curse. But when I look at those that are neither blessed nor cursed I realize how that adds up to nothing in the end. Yes, we suffer and feel intensely but on a clear day such as today, I get to feel the heart and the beauty of life. I get to see and be inside the glow of anything that was meant to shine. Words escape me at times but feelings never do. I know how wonderful this feels and that’s why I will never be fine with those who choose fear instead of love. The dimensions your life can reach when you open your eyes are timeless. I don’t know much but, on a clear day, this I know for sure.

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