Not one or the other

I am the queen of mistakes. I’m also the queen of drama. I’m the queen of complicated and my crowns go on and on. I moved to L.A when I was 19 thinking I’d make it as a recording artist. When I realized how hard it was, I ran away. I came back to this third world country and hated it. I realized soon enough I had made a horrible mistake that I could not undo. Then I had the opportunity to go to a really good college but decided it wasn’t for me and studied random interests instead. Later I realized it was a mistake. I ran away again and moved to Buenos Aires. I thought it would be perfect and when it wasn’t I ran back home again. I’ve been brave, and I’ve been weak. I took a chance and also changed my mind constantly.

Am I brave or am I weak? I am neither, I am both. It doesn’t matter what I am or am not. We try to define what we are and we are too many things; never meant to be labeled. I thought I had to know whether something had been a mistake or not. Nothing really should be a mistake. Maybe a mistake was supposed to happen and then instantly its existence is no longer defined as a mistake but as what was meant to be. I do think we tell ourselves everything happens for a reason to make us feel better. What’s wrong with that? We should do anything and everything to make ourselves feel better. When something makes us feel horrible, not allowing it to bring us down is healthy. It’s ok to feel sad but it’s not ok to let it control our lives.

I am one thing and then I become its complete opposite. I know what I want but that doesn’t mean I’ll get it. Life was never meant to be understood, simply lived. Experiences are imprinted in our souls and we cannot construct a cage around us by trying to define what we are. I am not one thing, I am not the other either. I am many things and their shape, color, texture and melody changes constantly. Try not to fit into the box on purpose. Then, and only then, will your life start to be as amazing as you had hoped it would be.

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