I wake up and my mind starts to scan for thoughts. It immediately turns to you and frustration takes a hold of me. Then it comes, the light. I cannot control you or anybody else at that. Just because you choose to live a life I don’t agree with does not mean I should too. I want to control that which was created to be controlled. All I can manage is what I have. Endless amount of time has gone into asking myself why it is the way it is. What I did not know before was that the result of that energy spent was pointless. I will never know why so many have disappointed me, it’s not my job to know why; it’s my job to work on becoming better with every passing experience.
I want a healthy and beautiful body. I want to be the best teacher I can be. I want to go to school to actually learn and grow, not to pass a class. I want to feel beautiful. I want to sing and I want to write. I want to dress in many colors or maybe black and white. I want to be the kind of person that inspires others to be happy. All of these things I can control by trying my best. When it comes to others, I can accept them as they are and know that every single soul that has crossed my path has had a purpose. Yes, I’ve been hurt; but wallowing in a reality that brings pain doesn’t allow me to move on with my life.
I wake up and I try to remind myself what I can and can’t control. Just because you’re there, doesn’t mean you get to spread into every single area of my life. Just because I feel lonely doesn’t mean other parts of the puzzle aren’t as precious or important. I cherish my life and I do not like it when I think I have a right to look down on it just because someone didn’t cherish it enough to be a part of it. Maybe I cannot see it now but his piece of the puzzle would not have fit into the big picture anyhow. That’s why I have to stop trying to make a piece fit when there are other pieces ready to be a part of the beautiful picture of my life. Yes, I wish you would have been a piece of the puzzle but I know that when it fits, it fits. When it doesn’t, you cannot force it. Make sure the pieces of your puzzle make sense and fit perfectly. Once you have a clear view of the image that is coming together, you’ll be glad you didn’t force it.