If only…

I wish I could make you love me. I wish I didn’t feel as intensely as I do. Is this the greatest blessing or the greatest curse? I cannot seem to be able to stop the crying and yet, deep inside, I know that it’s just life happening and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. I met him and I didn’t even know. If only I had known he was gonna leave me like this. Indifference can kill me slowly and miserably. If only I could let it go. I wish I could learn how to change and move on. I wish I knew how to cope with the feeling that overwhelms me without a warning.

I wish I could make you love me but then again, should I? If I know I’m worthy of love, I should know that if someone cannot love me, then maybe he’s not worthy of the precious love I have to give. This is much easier said than done. I wish I could easily put into practice what I preach. If only I could get through this knowing that it will be OK again and that I will love again. Why is it so easy to forget? I wish we could remind ourselves how this too shall pass. But no, I’m inside a glass full of water and I’m drowning as if I were the only person in the world that has ever gone through a heartbreak. I guess his absent broken heart makes mine ache even more than it normally would.

If only I could rise above the drama and let it go. If only I could have someone to love for once. I guess it could be something that I’m doing or that I’m not doing. For now, I’m not getting what I want and all I can do is force myself, against my will, to believe that it will be OK and that somewhere somehow there is someone who will not only love me but  will do it the right way. I’m not asking for perfect, I’m asking for passion and commitment and not an ounce of doubt in both our hearts.

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