Bleeding

I broke my heart by accident a week and a half ago and it won’t stop bleeding. You broke your heart a week and a half ago and it seems to have healed nicely. Joni knew about this when she said only women bleed, this is true. Men bleed but it doesn’t linger. I will never know what it feels like for a man, but I know what it feels like for a girl. I am bleeding and I have forgotten how to help my wounds heal. I forget and think that a scar is forming itself and then I open it up and it bleeds. He seems to have scared completely and utter frustration takes over my wound, making it deeper.

I wish being a woman wasn’t so hard sometimes. We feel more passionately, we’re sensitive to everything. I wish men understood this. I wish they knew how it feels to really bleed. I wish they could bleed a little bit longer, not heal so easily. I will never understand why there’s such a huge gap in between us. I will never know the coping mechanisms we come up with to heal our wounds and stop the incessant bleeding. I wish I could make it stop, I don’t like blood. I wish I could make it stop the way you have. I wish it didn’t hurt as bad to be alone here, bleeding.

Now you’re not only gone but your broken heart has made a full recovery. Now I’m not only here, but I’m bleeding and I do not know how to make it stop. But as painful as it is, I know it will stop, it has to stop. I simply have moments of complete desperation where I want to burst outside of my skin. I feel as though I’ve bled quite enough in this lifetime and I don’t know how much more red I can take. The dark of red cannot last forever, the heart will love again because its design calls for it. It’s easy to forget how this too shall pass. It’s easy to get desperate when you want to make the blood go away without a single trace. But even as painful as it is to see your power of making the wounds disappear, I wouldn’t want that. If I don’t bleed, it means I’m cold; it means I’ve truly lost the passion, the hope.

I’m bleeding and you show no signs of pain, but at least I can still feel; at least I know I’m alive.

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