It sneaks up from nowhere. The infamous redhead says: “What I want is not to want what isn’t mine.” That has been one of my favorite quotes since always. Wanting what I can’t have seems to be a never-ending cycle with nowhere as its destination. And then there’s the desire towards me that I do not know what to do with. The ones that want me and I cannot seem to find a way to want back. It happens. Non corresponded love goes around. If only it would be easier to manage. I know how it feels to want something or someone you cannot have. That’s why I find it just as hard when someone wants me and I don’t. The last thing I want is to hurt those that were amazing enough to take a chance on me. If only we could decide what and who we want. The heart wants what it wants.
In the end, I feel grateful. I am in touch with my heart…it is very loyal to me. It can get very lonely but if I know it’s not the real thing, why keep going? I’ve had many experiences witnessing those couples that make sense but aren’t right for each other. It only takes one person to be disconnected from their heart to end up in the wrong relationship. What’s devastating for me is when it’s someone you love and care about. What if you feel deep within that the person they’re with isn’t right but you can’t explain how you know that…you just feel it. You try to explain this to them and they look at you as if you’re insane, specially the logical types.
Knowing what we desire and what feels right is quite the challenge. It can get lonely, sad, frustrating; but I believe it’s better to know. I’d rather keep searching for what my heart desires than give in. Desire sneaks in unannounced and if it does not give you what you want, it hurts. But remember how fortunate you are. Those that do not know might never get the chance to live life to the fullest and that’s the real tragedy. We cannot tell others how to live their lives but we certainly can live our lives the best way we know how. And then maybe someday, somehow we’ll end up having everything our hearts desire and more.