Under his shadow

I love him. I can honestly say I look up to him. So much so, I sometimes feel insecure when I’m around him. But I also always give him my opinion. We usually laugh and sometimes fight. He is, to me, extremely successful. In the blink of an eye he made very logical and strategic decisions that he knew would lead him where he wanted to get. So whilst I traveled around searching for my heart, he was investing time in his future. And now I sometimes feel he has what I’ve always wanted. He’s studied his way to his dreams and found true happiness. I wandered my way towards nowhere and got lost. It feels as though he’s walking towards the light and I sit in his shadow. I have not been persistent or decisive regarding my future and now I just want to claim one for my own? Yes. And I will. It’s never the end; it’s always a new beginning. We tend to give up without starting again.

She keeps saying how she knows I was born to shine; I wish I could see what she sees. I wish I could love me as much as she does. Maybe someday I will. Maybe I will make the right decisions to get to my very own destiny. What does get to me is how, if I make more logical decisions, I’ll be proving the conservatives right. But not really; being right or wrong gradually has become insignificant to me. Doing what feels right, on the other hand, is indispensable.

Yes, I’ve walked under his ‘perfect looking, smile-fixing, popular, charismatic, top of his class, successful, responsible’ shadow. But I know someday we’ll both get to walk towards the light and be successful in our own way. I know that the time under his shadow has helped me learn how to step into the light. I know someday, somehow I’ll have it all on the inside and on the outside and live under nobody’s shadow.

And when I create a shadow of my own, I’ll let everyone know there is no need to hide under anybody else’s shadow because each and every one of us has a unique light that we have to let shine on its own. Yes, being under his shadow has been hard but the lessons always follow hardship. I am ready to walk on my own and follow my colorful, unconventional varied path. Shadows might not be the best place to be under but those whose shadow we step under are an inspiration. They are someone to look up to and strive to be like. I do love him and I do look up to him. But now I’m ready to step out of his shadow and create one of my own.

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