What do I look like?

As I find myself back to square one, I realize how my “image” has been such an issue throughout the years. I’ve gained and lost weight so many times now that I don’t know what I look like anymore. Am I too big? Am I too small? Am I pretty enough or should I be better?

I recently saw the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show and those women’s bodies blew my mind. They are perfection to the human eye. If only it’d be easier to be that fit. If only more of us were built that way. I completely enjoyed it because their beauty is mesmerizing; they looked like goddesses. But are they? Do they feel as good as they look? What kind of pressure are they under? It makes me wonder.

Which takes me back to the point; when I feel motivated to eat healthy and work out…I love my body. When I don’t, I hate it. I tell myself how I want to look great but I sometimes forget to take into account my feelings. Having the perfect body doesn’t allow you to get off track; it makes you become horribly hard on yourself. Is that truly perfection then? And don’t get me wrong, I will always be a supporter of good health but never a supporter of an obsessive perfection. I grew up in a society where the skinny petites were worshiped and anyone different was not. I, in one way or another, was absolutely always different. I was an expert at either being too tall or too chubby or too imperfect. Having an older perfect brother never helped. Not only was he perfect but he didn’t even have to try that hard. He could pretty much eat whatever he wanted whilst I had to be content with my lettuce. For the longest time I resented that, but then obviously learned there was nothing to resent. It is what it is.

What I’ve come to learn over and over again is that societies and industries sell us a fantasy, something almost unattainable or if attainable at all, completely unhealthy and wrong for us. What makes it hard is that nobody tells you this. After endless amounts of diets and cutting yourself with dysfunctional thoughts…you realize what it actually is: a mistake. It’s a mistake because it’s simply not right and because it hurts you. Working out and eating healthy is always the right choice; let the rest fall where it should. Losing weight is fine as long as you don’t let it hurt you. Usually, I don’t know what I look like but on a good day, I know I’m beautiful and unique. I know I take care of myself and never give up. I know I’m better than those that tell me what I should look like. I have a lovely smile, I’m tall and I love my long black hair. When I’m happy, the light from within shines through my eyes and I feel like I can be with someone amazing.

What do you look like? And before you answer, be honest and be kind. You might find out you’re more beautiful than you thought. Without the masks of the media and the expectations of societies…isn’t what you see lovely?

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