I find myself wanting things from one world and then from the other. The conservative world is the one I was born into. The -I should have a career, do what’s expected, fall in love, get married and have a baby- world. And then there’s the artistic world that breaks the norm. The -shouldn’t do what’s expected, fantasy, free, crazy- world. The problem is that they both pull me. The artistic one much more, but whenever I live in a traditional culture, the conservative world is present and strong…the brainwash done to me in my childhood days leads me to fear not having it “all” or not do what “makes sense.” And the real problem is that I want things from both worlds. I used to tell myself I was completely artistic but then that’s just not true.
I do want to get married to the right guy; I want the happily ever after ending and so on. I guess it is OK to have both conservative and artistic qualities. I just hope there’s a guy out there that gets me and my craziness. Someone I can actually fall for. So far, no good. But I must believe. And whist I find him, I also want to express myself artistically. Do what I love and fall in love with my life first.
So, I pretty much haven’t’ made up my mind on whether I’m from here or from there…I’m simply nowhere. I see other artists putting themselves out there and actually sharing their art and it makes me green with envy. I see those couples who fall deeply in love and I feel the same. Awful, I know. I should remind myself how it will happen when it’s supposed to with the right people at the right time. The balance between these two haunting worlds seems to be the ultimate challenge.
I want to take from both worlds and not feel as though I’m floating between them, with no direction. I don’t want to feel green with envy; I want to be happy for those who have found their heart’s desires. If anything, it should inspire me not to give up and know that anything is possible. That even here, in between two worlds, I might just create a world of my own and hope that others will join me in doing the same. There’s not reason to choose one or the other, simply take from them both. After all, many of us are anything but just one thing; why would we have to choose? Let’s create our own world with craziness and logic; with the unconventional and the traditional. Maybe then we will not just create the perfect world, but actually have it all.
And now; a beautiful quote I came across and wanted to share; “There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You’d think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists but, more often than not, the opposite is true. You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists…well, without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.” –Modern Family