My blood boils

I swear I feel like my skin is going to fall because of how my blood boils. Feeling strongly is overwhelming. Living through characters’ lives makes me feel alive. I want my life to be a story. I want there to be love and opportunities. I’m tired of waiting for love and knowing how much my soul needs it. How can I stop my skin from getting burned? I feel as though every second that passes without being in love is a second lost that I will never be able to find again.

I try to let it go and then someone else’s perfect story presents itself right before my eyes and it is true, real, passionate love; a chemistry that I admire and have wanted for the longest time. My blood starts to burn, my heart starts to desire. I want something I don’t have but truly feel I deserve. How can I get over that? How do I silence a voice that is screaming inside my head? How can something unnatural become bearable? I don’t know. I know that our nature makes us crave love and I haven’t experienced what is primal. Day by day I see people fall in love and wonder when it’ll be my turn. Every other day I wonder if I’m doing something wrong. Every other day I tell myself I have done nothing wrong. Today I feel sorrow; sorrow for knowing love’s existence and its unwillingness to reach me. And all I can feel my whole being scream from within is “I’m right here.”

Yes, movies and shows seem unreal but the love is real. It might be heightened when seen through a screen, but the essence is true. I want that essence. I want to lose my mind over someone I know feels the same way about me. I do not want to wonder when and if it’ll come. I have never known anyone else who has had to wait as long as I have. But I do know of an endless amount of souls that feel unloved and alone. Maybe that’s why this love has escaped me. Maybe I can give others hope when their skin falls from getting burned. I truly long to make a difference and I know that this could be a way. Help the loveless feel loved simply by feeling their pain. Amazing how experience is the only way to understand. It’s easy to judge when it hasn’t happened to us. But then it does and we suddenly become friends with empathy.

I’ve known motherly love, love from my friends…but never passionate love. The kind I know I’d be good at; the kind that makes you feel like you can do anything, be anything. The kind that feels like you can fly. Yes, I believe in that kind of love and I want to touch it and breathe it. And when I do actually find it, I’ll know never to take it for granted. My blood boils indeed and my skin falls on the floor; skin that will never return. The skin does die but new skin always appears…we just forget. I get the urge to give up and lose hope sometimes. But, deep inside, I could never truly give up because love; love is something natural. Love is a necessity and we can never give up on what we were born to have.


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